Member Article

‘Guesswork Goodbyes’: 382,000 funerals a year take place without the deceased’s wishes factored in

Over 382,000* funerals take place in the UK every year where family and friends have guessed at what their loved one would have wanted, according to research** released today from the newly launched life-curation website, wishLockr.

The research shows that nearly two thirds (63%) of British adults have no idea what their family’s funeral preferences are, while 65% have never discussed their own wishes with those close to them. This situation often sees surviving relatives guessing at the sort of funeral the deceased would have wanted, worsening an already-emotional grieving process.

wishLockr’s findings highlight that, understandably, death is a difficult conversational topic for families to tackle, with almost half (49%) of people not comfortable talking about it.

However, although Brits may not discuss it, they think about death a lot – on average, about once every 2.5 days. The figures reveal that 16-24s think about death more frequently (every 1.5 days) than those over 55 (every 3.5 days). On average, 25 is the age people say they start thinking about their own death.

Many people have also thought about their end-of-life plans, with over a quarter (26%) having already made a choice between burial and cremation, increasing to over a third (37%) among over-55s. Meanwhile, nearly a fifth (16%) have decided on songs they’d like played at their funeral, while half (50%) of over-55s have made a will. However, there is clearly a disconnect between planning for death, and talking about it.

wishLockr – along with family psychologist Dr. Becky Spelman – is urging people to confront the inevitable and make their wishes known.

Dr Becky Spelman, family psychologist, said: “Benjamin Franklin is said to have stated that nothing is certain but death and taxes. Yet, while many of us prepare our tax returns, a lot of us never discuss our funeral wishes with our loved ones.

“When the time comes, the bereaved are often left having to manage their grief, while at the same time trying to put together a funeral based on guesswork. It’s important to make a plan long before getting sick or elderly, so that everyone is clear on what the preferred arrangements are. Sometimes people worry that it’s morbid to think about death, or to vocalise our desires on the topic, but dealing with death is something that we all have to go through; experiencing the death of a loved one is an important milestone, just as momentous as welcoming a new baby or getting married.”

wishLockr is a new website set up by husband and wife team Iain and Karen Nicholson allows users to document everything from financial assets to funeral preferences, and then share the information electronically with up to three close family members or friends. Karen originally had the idea when Iain’s father died some years ago, and they had no idea about his final wishes. However, it was only when, 2 years ago Iain and their 25-year daughter Tiffany were involved in what could have been a fatal motor bike accident, that they were spurred on to act. The family decided to use the insurance settlement to build the website, so others could make their wishes known.

Karen Nicholson said: “Few people find it easy to have end-of-life discussions and wishLockr was born out of our own experience as a family, when Iain’s father passed, and we didn’t know his funeral wishes or financial arrangements. At the time we just thought that there had to be a better way to help make difficult conversations a bit easier for other families.”

Ends

*Sum – ONS figures state there have been an average of 583,162 deaths each year across England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland from 2012-2016. 65% of people have not expressed their last wishes to their close friends of family = 382,000 funerals where friends/family are left second guessing ** wishLockr commissioned Censuswide to speak to 2,025 UK adults in April 2018

This was posted in Bdaily's Members' News section by Grace .